apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
