I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
