i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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