you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
