I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
