"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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