Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
"it" just moved
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
