smell my finger.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize