Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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