I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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