just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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