What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
