i may or may not be watching the land before time
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
