Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
