so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
