i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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