im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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