cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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