6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He better not be in your backpack
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
