....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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