dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
