my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
birth control should be required to get into college
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
