it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
cat food counts as protein by the way
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
