I wish I only lived at night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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