I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
