My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
