i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
