My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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