Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
