But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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