what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
