I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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