The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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