I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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