I'm eating all of the evidence.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
