Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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