I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
