I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
