Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
