so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
