physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
