the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Buhtt sex?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize