I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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