My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
