I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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