i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
