"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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