Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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