So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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