i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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