im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
