Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
