let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
