so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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