New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
