I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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