Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
