On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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