we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
