WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize