This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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