Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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