my being single is dangerous.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dick has a subreddit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
