omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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