Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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