My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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