Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
