She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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