How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
