It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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