i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
