I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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